As Quoted In

“The Joys (and Challenges) of Sex After 70” by Maggie Jones

Sex can drop off in our final decades. But for those who keep going, it can be the best of their lives.

Before David and Anne married, they hadn’t ventured beyond touching.

It was 1961. She was 21, he was 22 and they were raised in conservative Catholic homes. “Thursday and Friday, sex is a sin, then you get married on Saturday,” David said. “What’s a clitoris? I didn’t know about that.”

From the outset of their marriage, the two explored sex together. David was more lustful and eager; Anne was more hesitant, at times leaning toward accommodation rather than enthusiasm. A few years after their wedding, they had their first child, and David began traveling half the month for his job. Over the next five years, they had two more children, and Anne sometimes felt exhausted, managing homework, schedules, driving, emergencies, meltdowns. She loved David and liked sex with him, but it often fell lower on the list of what she needed: a good night’s sleep, an arm around her shoulder, no expectations. Anne also never fully escaped the feeling that sex was taboo: “We weren’t allowed to even think about it,” she said about her parents’ approach to sex. In the early part of her marriage, she felt horrified about oral sex and struggled to have orgasms. “I don’t think I was what David had hoped for,” she told me.

David and Anne are in their 80s now, and they recently told me that at this stage of life, sex is the best it has ever been. But getting there took effort…[Click to Read More]

“The Silent Intimacy Killer That’s Ruining Your Relationship” by Lisa Marie Conklin

The things you don't say are often more damaging than the things you do. If you're giving or getting the silent treatment, find how to communicate your feelings and stop killing the intimacy in your relationship.

What happened the last time you were disappointed, angry, or hurt by something your partner did? If you chose to remain silent, you’re not alone. Many of us were never taught how to communicate effectively. Instead, we shut down or silently harbor resentment. Unfortunately, over time, these communication breakdowns create negative patterns that eventually dampen the intimacy in the relationship. “Often we stop communicating because one or both partners feels ‘it’s not worth it,'” says psychologist Anjhula Mya Singh Bais, PhD. “They have been down that path, and they think they know what it holds—more anger, bitterness, and frustration.” These are the defensive strategies we use to protect ourselves in the short run—and unknowingly snuff out intimacy in the long run.

Dismissal and disregard: These behaviors are two of the biggest intimacy killers in relationships…[Click to Read More]